Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in candlesoul06's LiveJournal:

Thursday, September 15th, 2005
11:08 pm	AGain I survived another day. It wasn't the most terrible but wasn't the best either. Man I sure am gettting good at typing with all the h/w i type for Mrs. Guillory in AP English. I also type enough papers to make a bibliophile sick (ha thought i should throw in one of my vocab words for kicks.) Today I went through my normal schedule at school. The highlight of the day was gettin to sleep in Mrs mout's class--she gave us a sleep day. After school I went home, played with greenback, ate a bunch of food, then went to church to work. There i took out trash and cleaned the ED office. In there i vacuumed, cleaned the toilet and sink, took out the trash there, cleaned windows, and did other lil odd jobs. Man it brought back alot of memories from the summer. Sure, im still working there, but its still not the same; andrew isnt there to joke around with and visit with. He really is a pretty cool guy (sometimes). I felt like we actually had some sorta bond over the summer. Also the pace was a lil more leisure and i was there for longer periods of time. I miss cutting the trees; that was the best--mr craig would cut, and me and andrew sometimes would too, but we mostly loaded the four=wheeler and unloaded it at the side of the parking lot. I did most of the unloading cuz drew drove. I loved how the wind would blow through my hair, and goin fast and cuttin curves on the cement, and just riding in the trailor. the work itself was hard but it felt like work, made u feel like a man, like u were some sorta lumber jack, like a real rugged man. It sounds crazy but it was great. Me and drew prolly got along the best during this time, and also got to talk the most since we did this work together and for countless hours. It took us about 2 weeks to do all the work (i think). We trimmed about 30 trees. One of the best parts of the tree trimmin is when i would go to the barges and get poweraid for us all. Mr Craig mostly treated. It was great, the cool colored liquid, sitting under a tree, feeling like you were really accomplishing something, like you were three equal guyz just trying to get a days work done. That will probably be one of the memories I carry with me for the rest of my life, those days we trimmed the trees from 8-5. Probably one reason too it is so memorable for me is that it was the last regular days i would work there. The next week i had the week off to prepare for school and drew would be leaving for his make-shift senior trip; then schooled would start, and things would change. Andrew wouldnt be there, I wouldnt have long shifts to enjoy, wouldnt have time to visit with mr craig and the mrs lou ann, and mrs toggie, and father and deacon. Its still cool working there, just not the same. I learned so much in this summer. I learned things u dont get in a book. Mr Craig is soo cool, he taught me so much. I'll be forever greatful for the wisdom and insight he's given me. Gosh I hate change. I hate that stupid feeling that you get in the pit of your stomach that tells you things are different and there's nothing you can do about it. I want to go back a day, a week, a month, a year, anything I could get my hands on. There's so much i would change. Not necessarily things that i did wrong, but things that I could have done better. Even just little things, things that would have made my life easier, more enjoyable, and also to make the lives of others richer. But you can't do that so now im in front of a screen talking about all of it. Even if u could go back just to enjoy the things that will never be the same. Gosh how i miss things. I miss the sandlot baseball with the neighborhood guys. Football at alex's house. The stories, the fads, the toys, the hub-bub and bike rides. I miss Joey and all the great memories we had together. I miss my junior high clique. I miss being the leader, the trendsetter, the plan-maker. I miss things being simple. I even mrs more recent stuff like my junior year summer at stm and champagnes. I miss black april, she was soo cool lol. I hope she's doing ok. I miss charles and all the times we spent together. I miss the 05ers at highschool. I miss last years classes. But all these feelings slowly subside as they're shuffled to the back by new memories. thats hwat gives me hope, is God in my future and the hope of the future--a second chance. I'm beginning not to miss last year so much because I'm making new memories i will treasure when ill back at my senior year. I guess its all apart of living. I wonder if jesus ever felt nostalgic like this? Me and poor Jesus, it seems like we've drifted apart like any other person I know and love. But the thing that is so wonderful about his is that even though he might not seem to be there, he is and I know he's still there, just maybe not that close but still there. But we're both working on it so thats all that matters. Man my teeth are bothering me! WTFRIG? ne wayz guess i better get to bed, ive been doin homework on and off until i started the journal; mom got back from work and prolly thinks im still doin h/w. So i better get off before she figures out otherwise. (0)-(0)-(0) trinity. God bless me and us all. oVer and OuT. ( i think i like this whole journal thing, helps me get things out and about; heck maybe ill stick with it? who know?!) Current Mood: nostalgic and sad Current Music: Blindside-Silence (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
10:59 am	Amazing Not sleeping again. Ironically and strangely its the EXACT same time as my last journal and it's probably almost been six months like i predicted since my last entry. Utterly amazing. I was impressed by the things i wrote and couldn't believe how well I wrote them. I just wish the things i wrote about had changed; unfortunately that didn't. Today is wednesday; I went to school, took tests, "learned," came home, went to church to work with Mr. Craig, played basketball with my lil Negro N'orleans peeps, cut Mrs. Simar's grass, surfed the net, which I shouldn't have been doing (!@#$). I worked on a certificate for mrs mout, and started some vocab which i will cram to finish in the morning because i dont feel like doing right now, yet im still not in bed which will make me even more tired in the morning. Life is just one big paradox. Mom and Yo went to lafayette; i didnt go. O well? I practice my violin, something i dont do very often (but would like to change.) Things are improving as far as organizationally. But my grades still suffer from my procrastination, im still not happy with who i am, i want change and now; i want peace and yet im still at war; one of life's many paradoxes. Man i want my pod cd from joey back. I hate when something is outa place in my life or when i want something and its like a tick for me. I just cant stop thinking about it to i get it/find it/resolve it. To beat it all i feel like im constantly in deja vu and im in a rut. Life is soo monotonous. Man my teeth feel funny. I love my birdy greenback but he's soo bad. Man i want a girlfriend but i dont want a girlfriend. Nicholette is great but then not. Homecoming is coming, but im still not ready. Gpa is great but making me nuts. PE is cool but a pain. Dont want to think about prom and graduation; but i have to. COllege? Man i haven't even sent off my form to take the act again! Then lets not even think about homework im behind in, the God that im failing, the girlfriend i want but dont want. (Crush quota right now is Kristi Maxfield, Nicholette Kinkelaar, Liz Burkehalter, & ne one else?) and I am still pussing my mom off. Guess i should get off in case she wakes up and catches a rage on me. Man i dont wnat to go to bed; but maybe what i really want is not to wake up..........Another day and another chance...just maybe ill find one. Ill holler back but i figure it'll be a lil sooner than 6 months from now. I figure this could be a great tool to my past. It has already shown me that. L8erz Current Mood: discontent Current Music: 3 doors down-let me go (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
10:59 pm	Sleepy yet awake Wow it's hard to believe but I've just about finished my first year of public higher education! We're in the 5th 6-weeks and the 6th is coming fast. Man life is crazy. Sometimes I really wish I didn't exist. I really should be in bed right now. I'm tired like heck but I just don't want to go to bed. I've been talking to hayley on aim and surfing. Just looking for some comfort music but not finding any. So I settle for some creed. Spose it will do. For an Easter holiday this week, I NEED A HOLIDAY. Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday I served the services. I also cut Mrs. Young's grass wednesday/thursday. That crazy old lady didn't sign the dang check! UGH! LOL! Then Easter Sunday, I had to work. Talk about some hell! It was soo busy. I never want to work another holiday. NEVER AGAIN........afterwords i went to uncle teddy's. we ate bbq. it was sooo good of course i was so hungry i could have eaten vulcanized rubber and thought it was a delicacy lol. Then monday I went to work so I wouldnt have to go tuesday so I could go to the vocation dinner in lafayette. Turns out i cut mrs lisa's grass then go to work. THen tuesday it gets better and i end up workin again that morning. But at least i got out early to go eat wit dad and bub. WE ate chinese foo. it was tasty. Then we went see paw and maw in the country. that was cool. we shot paintball and real guns. After that i came home and got ready for the dinner and Fr Ced came pick me up. We had a blast. The food was good and i did get something out of it. Maybe I am meant to be a priest. I dont know. All i know is its goin to take a lot to get me there if that's really what Im meant to be. Well ne wayz after the dinner, myself, Ced, Fr. Aaron, and a couple of Ced's sponsoree's came with us to a coffee shop. We laughed our butts off and had a blast. We're supposed to get together to do again sometime. I hope so. Now we're finally to today: i cut grass all day (mr manuals and mrs diane's) and i didnt even get adequately payed for my services. So much for a week well spent. Tomorrow will be my only free day left of my week. fri and sat i work and sunday i leave for baton rouge for the gpa convention. will life ever slow down. SOMETIMES i cant stand myself. i wish everything would go away. all disappear.....i wish things would go back to the way they were a couple of years ago. of course that still probably wouldn't make me happy ne wayz. what would make me happy? i wish i knew. All i knew is this week i wanted to go on a date wish ne pretty girl, go paintballin with the fellaz, go to the movies, and just lounge around and enjoy life and ya k now what, I HAVENT DONE NE OF THOSE FRIGGIN THINGS YET. ugh. Man upstairs must have had other plans. I hope it was his plans ne wayz. well sianara peeps and adios amigos. ill right in this thing in o say another six months lol. over and out!@#$ Current Mood: drained Current Music: Creed--Wash Away Those Years (Comment on this)